The Lost Word in Today's World: “No”

I recently read a very interesting and useful article written in the School Administrators of Iowa monthly newsletter. Below, we have reprinted a large portion of the article with the permission of Dr. Dan Smith, Executive Director of SAI. I would be interested in hearing your feedback, thoughts or "success stories." Call, send or email them to me! ~ Mr. Barry


The Importance of “No”
By Dr. Dan Smith

I recently had the privilege of hearing Dr. David Walsh speak on the topic of “Say Yes to No.” He is a Minnesotan who has written a book titled No: Why Kids-of All Ages-Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It.

Dr. Walsh believes that many young people today suffer from what he calls Discipline Deficit Disorder (DDD) because our society has become focused on Four Cultural Values:
1. More
2. Easy
3. Fast
4. Fun

As a result, our students lack a key success trait, which is self-discipline. Dr. Walsh cites “The Marshmallow Story” to illustrate the importance of self-discipline. This story comes from a research study done at Stanford in the 1960s and involved four-year-olds where an experimenter gave each child a choice. Basically, each child was presented with a marshmallow and told that if they waited to eat the marshmallow at a later time that they would receive an additional one.

Some of the kids couldn’t resist the temptation and ate the marshmallow. Others were able to delay their gratification in order to get a second marshmallow. They sang songs or looked away from the marshmallow.

Interestingly, all of these four-year-olds were followed until they were 18. The students who were able to delay gratification were happier, they were more successful in school, and were more popular. The moral of the story is that setting limits and the skills of self-discipline that we teach our kids early in life equip them with the competence needed for success later in life.

Dr. Walsh’s book presents information to parents and educators on strategies to develop self-discipline. It talks about the myths of self-esteem which are based on feeling good, and beliefs that self-esteem comes before success and that stress or disappointment damage self-esteem. He believes that true self-esteem comes from overcoming challenges and successfully dealing with failure and disappointment.